To be fair, I've only seen four of the ten nominees: "Poor Man's Baseball", "Poor Black Maids", "Poor Filmmaker Can't Afford Sounds or Color Film", and "Owen Wilson is a Lot More Like Woody Allen Than Anyone Ever Suspected... Poor Owen Wilson". And while none of these films were particularly bad, they've all left me wanting more (or less, as in "After watching The Help, I wish I were LESS likely to kill myself").
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| Brilliant, Eh!?!?! |
So I got to thinking about all the films I've seen, and which ones left me with the greatest feeling of fulfillment or closure. Which ones really wrapped it up and tied a bow around it while using every last shot and squeezing every last drop of "movie" out of their allotted two hours.
Why an "*", you ask??? Because when I say "Ending" I refer to the closing shots of a film. The last handful of frames is the ending i refer to, not the "he was a ghost the whole time" aspect of cinema. Also, these aren't necessarily what I consider the greatest films ever. While Lawrence of Arabia rocks my balls off and would easily make my top ten films, it's doesn't really crack the "best ending" list.
And in case you're ridiculous: SPOILER ALERT.
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Well why not? Why not start off with the universal code for "winner"?
Indy walks off into the sunset, arm-in-arm with the lovely Miss Ravenwood to go get a drink... you know? A drink? Cut to: the greatest bureaucratic force known to man: The US government. After Dr. Jones found the Ark for the third time, rode on the outside of a submarine, escaped the ancient pyramids complete with asps, outran one of Sensitive Bro's balls, and, oh yeah, BEAT THE F*CKING NAZIS, the G-men decide to lock the Ark away in a top-secret government warehouse. The camera pulls back to show the Ark surrounded by the moutains of other national cover-ups. There, the Ark will spend the rest of it's days side-by-side with the nations biggest secrets, like the Lindbergh baby, the Pearl Harbor warning memos, and some of that Free-Mason bullshit. Cue Indy's music, roll credits, and spend the rest of your life trying to forget about the crystal skull.
Being There
Take note Sean Penn, Tom Hanks, and Dustin Hoffman: This is how you do "mentally challenged". Chance, the Gardener (or "Chauncey Gardiner"), is one of cinemas greatest innocents. As the casket of Benjamin Rand is being sent into the Earth, the most powerful men in the country can be heard in whispers informing us of the only possible future of America. A future with Chauncey Gardiner as president. And as these men are determining the fate of the free world, there's Chance. Just wandering by the water... and then he walks on it. Credits. Is he Jesus? Nope. It's just that nobody told him he couldn't. And at that moment, we understand that the world is safe.
Roman Holiday
Gregory Peck. He takes it all in. Waits a moment to see if she'll return. Accepts the outcome. Then he makes the long slow stride across the palace court and into forever, confident that he's done right. This is a sentimental choice, because if there's a heaven that is exactly how Gregory Peck walked into it in 2003.
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| Don't worry about the bouncer. Just come on in. |
I have taken a mountain of shit for my defense of this movie. Yes, it was clearly the weakest of the original three films. No argument there. But this much-maligned third installment has received what I feel is an unfair amount of criticism. First of all, it followed two of the greatest sci-fi films of all time. Anything that wasn't an all-out, balls-to-the-wall home-run was going to be somewhat of a let down. Seriously: if this were just a stand-alone monster movie everyone would have loved it. Secondly, there are so many flashes of Fincher brilliance splashed throughout this film. The bleakness that would become a trademark of his is what most remember of Alien 3. And finally, Sigourney Weaver's performance was amazing, exhausting, and heartbreaking. (Also, "Alien: Resurrection" sucked)
I also love going with the "amusement park" theory here: Alien = The Haunted House. Aliens = The roller-Coaster. Alien 3 = The Hall of Mirrors... See? Fun!
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| One of the more light-hearted moments of Alien3. |
And the screen goes black.
Perfect ending to the story and the woman.
Castaway
In the same spirit as Alien 3, debates of the ending of the film Castaway have had a less-than-celebratory effect of the types of slurs people use to describe my tastes. But here's the Shyamalan: we were not debating the actual ending of the movie, so much as what happens after the ending...
"Captain Every-Man" Tom Hanks has made his way back home and is rightfully celebrated as an American hero. A man risen from the ashes to return home to us. And as he makes his way across the open roads of America, he is finally able to deliver that one mysterious package to it's rightful owner... who just so happens to be a smokin'-hot babe. And there he stands at the crossroads of life (which in this case is literally a crossroads... thanks for spelling it out for us, Zemeckis). Fade to black.
Now here's the rub: I do not for one second think he goes back to that woman's house to get it on with her hippie-ass. It's called symbolism, people. His life is now the open roads. He has options. A choice. Freedom to do with the rest of his life whatever he wants. He's just going to end the journey right there at the first rest-stop??? Bull-Shit.
But for what it's worth, everyone on the planet disagrees with me... Tom Hanks included.
(sidebar: the only unbelievable thing about this movie is that he did all that shit to get back to Helen Hunt... Would you build a raft to sail across the Pacific for a scoop of vanilla ice-cream?)
Fight Club
Arguably the best. The robe. The Pixies. The subtle hand-holding. The one-by-one collapse of the buildings that hold all the worlds capitalism inside of them... And then one final penis-shot. Brilliant. Iconic. Perfect.
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| The only relationship ever where Helena Bonham Carter is the "normal one". |
The End??? (Bum-Bum-Bummmmmm!!!)
